thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
