I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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