Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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