Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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