Christians are straight up FREAKS
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
