got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
