And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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