pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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