I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
