So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
