thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
