i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
