I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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