do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
