Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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