She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
