I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
