You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
