I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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