now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
