I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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