After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
