I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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