I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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