I think my fart just growled at me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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