Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
