she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's official drugs can't kill me
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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