And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
