I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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