Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
