hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
