Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
