the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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