One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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