I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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