Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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