i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
