Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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