There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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