I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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