I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
