Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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