Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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