i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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