Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
