Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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