i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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