Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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