I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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