You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Farmville is her only friend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
