i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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