She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
