Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
