I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
