5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
