Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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