i don't like sucking hair
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this just has baby written all over it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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