I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
