I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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