the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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