My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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