I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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