they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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