You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
