Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
